I have just finished week 5 of the software bootcamp at Makers. Week 5 is engineering project 1, where we work in teams to create a simple implementation of a holiday home booking site. It was clear from the beginning that none of us would be troubling airbnb this week —this task was all about learning to make software as a team. In fact, this task was all about teams and people.
I have spent most of my adult life working in arts and music. I’ve had lots of different roles, and have been lucky enough to be creative in most of them. As we move through this bootcamp, I’ve started to really interrogate my previous experience of working with others, and I began to realise that while I had worked a lot with groups, I wasn’t so sure that I had worked a lot in teams. The group work I have done has normally been quite hierarchical — and in the arts its normally clear who is in charge — and if not its often thrashed out until it is obvious. So either I am serving someone else’s vision, or I they are serving my vision. And it’s normally the case that someone has the final say, and others defer to that. I am of course generalising, but it rings true to me. Further, I have made a lot of projects — and I have been very outcome focused, to the extent that outcome and deadline were more important than anything else. Often I am the only person working on a project — so I have complete control (ah control, hello old friend), or when I am working with others I am either being paid, or I am paying someone, or I have a ‘Lead Artist’ moniker, or they do — all of which instantly brings in the hierarchy. As I began to think this through a few weeks ago I came to realise that I had a bit of a control problem — and I needed to practice letting go else I was not going to grow. I also had a large ego connection with finishing things at whatever cost, and also with ‘winning’, again often at any cost and this has led to some very unhealthy behaviour including many many all nighters on projects, and behaving badly to team members during hackathons (we did win, and I did apologise for being a domineering misogynistic patriarchal patronising a***hole — but surely better that I am just not that to start with?). So I made a conscious decision a few weeks ago to try and live some of what Dana has been encouraging us to do, and lean into the uncomfortable. I am going to try and put aside control, winning at any cost and my habit of thinking I know best, and instead attempt to listen more, be open to other ways of doing, and try and experience what it really is to work in a team — to work together, for all hands to be on the job, and to communicate well and openly. I have been putting this in practice during pairing over the last few weeks, but this was the big one, a team project. Time to get uncomfortable and to learn something. And to be okay with not knowing what I was going to learn or what success was going to look like.
The Team Jaguar Logo (TM)
So Gawain — how was it?
Thanks for asking — bloody hard! But also absolutely amazing. I was placed in a team by a human, or an algorithm, or a combination of both — and I can honestly say after an intense week together I could not of asked for a more open, honest, kind, thoughtful, brave and generous group. Go Jaguars!! From the very beginning we were able to talk openly about who we were and what we wanted to get out of the week. We then kind of stumbled on, making mistakes, talking about them, and being relentlessly honest in our standups and retros. There were moments where I had no idea how we move forward, and then someone would step in with a gem. There were times when we did not feel like a team — where it felt like we had all disappeared into our own comfort zones. There were moments where I despaired — honestly, that was the control freak in me. There were times when others needed my support, and I was not able or was not willing to give it. There were times when I needed support and it wasn’t there. There were times when I wondered aloud to a friend or a colleague about problems— and then I found the grace and courage to say it to the whole team, publicly and transparently, but also, I hope with empathy and emotional intelligence. I had a really tough day on Wednesday, and at the end of the day my team stopped what they were doing and really took the time to check that I was alright. There were many moments where I was completely stuck, and someone stepped in and suddenly I went from “I have no idea what to do” to bashing out 3 tickets in an hour. We did not make the best airbnb clone this week, but I really learned about people and being a team, and I hope the other Jaguars also felt this.
I’ve learned this week that we’re all insecure and insecurity manifests very differently. Sometimes it looks like being in charge or being in control with special rules, and ways of doing things, monitoring behaviour. People doing things like we said we would. Sometimes it looks like working really hard, getting on with things, getting things finished. Sometimes it looks like downing tools and childishly stopping work. Sometimes it looks like talking and making your voice really heard. Sometimes it looks like hushing our voices and not speaking up. Not doing. Not taking part. Sometimes it looks like not letting someone have a go at something or go the wrong way for a while. Sometimes that ‘wrong way’ is actually a better way (I’m a big one for a ‘right way’)
Most importantly I’ve learned how much more powerful we are as a team. I really felt the most together at the end. We had been through something and we had all been seen. We had invested in each other — and were now ready to work as one. Five people working together is always going to be more powerful than four people led by one. It may have taken the week to get to, but it was more than worth it. Team Jaguar — thankyou so much. My only regret is that we are not a team next week as we have formed a very effective unit. I really hope we get to do something together again.